🔗 Share this article

Bog Standard

Restroom comedy has long been the safe haven for daily publications, and publications remain attentive regarding memorable lavatory incidents and milestones, particularly within football. Readers were entertained to find out that an online journalist Adrian Chiles owns a West Bromwich Albion-inspired toilet in his house. Reflect for a moment for the Barnsley fan who interpreted the restroom a little too literally, and had to be saved from a deserted Oakwell after falling asleep on the loo midway through a 2015 losing match versus the Cod Army. “His footwear was missing and couldn't find his phone and his cap,” stated a representative from Barnsley fire services. And who can forget when, at the height of his fame playing for City, the Italian striker visited a nearby college to access the restrooms back in 2012. “He left his Bentley parked outside, then entered and inquired directions to the restrooms, subsequently he entered the faculty room,” an undergraduate shared with a Manchester newspaper. “After that he was just walking round the campus acting like the owner.”

The Lavatory Departure

Tuesday marks 25 years from when Kevin Keegan quit as England manager after a brief chat inside a lavatory booth together with Football Association official David Davies in the bowels of Wembley, after the notorious 1-0 loss by Germany in 2000 – England’s final match at the historic stadium. As Davies remembers in his diary, FA Confidential, he had entered the sodden beleaguered England dressing room directly following the fixture, only to find David Beckham in tears and Tony Adams energized, the two stars urging for the suit to bring Keegan to his senses. Subsequent to Hamann's direct free-kick, Keegan had trudged down the tunnel with a blank expression, and Davies found him slumped – just as he was at Anfield in 1996 – in the corner of the dressing room, whispering: “I’m off. I’m not for this.” Collaring Keegan, Davies worked frantically to save the circumstance.

“Where could we possibly locate for confidential discussion?” stated Davies. “The tunnel? Full of TV journalists. The changing area? Crowded with emotional footballers. The bathing section? I couldn't conduct an important discussion with the national coach while athletes jumped in the pool. Just a single choice remained. The lavatory booths. A dramatic moment in England’s long football history occurred in the ancient loos of a stadium facing demolition. The coming demolition was almost tangible. Leading Kevin into a compartment, I shut the door behind us. We stayed there, eye to eye. ‘You can’t change my mind,’ Kevin said. ‘I’m out of here. I’m not up to it. I'll inform the media that I'm not adequate. I can’t motivate the players. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Results

And so, Keegan resigned, eventually revealing he viewed his period as Three Lions boss “soulless”. The two-time Ballon d’Or winner added: “I had difficulty passing the hours. I began working with the visually impaired team, the deaf squad, assisting the women's team. It’s a very difficult job.” Football in England has advanced considerably over the past twenty-five years. Whether for good or bad, those Wembley restrooms and those twin towers have long disappeared, whereas a German currently occupies in the dugout where Keegan once perched. The German's squad is viewed as one of the contenders for the upcoming Geopolitics World Cup: National team followers, value this time. This exact remembrance from a low point in English football is a reminder that things were not always so comfortable.

Real-Time Coverage

Join Luke McLaughlin at 8pm BST for Women's major tournament coverage from Arsenal 2-1 OL Lyonnes.

Today's Statement

“There we stood in a long row, wearing only our undergarments. We represented Europe's top officials, elite athletes, role models, adults, parents, strong personalities with strong principles … however all remained silent. We barely looked at each other, our gazes flickered a bit nervously when we were requested to advance in couples. There Collina examined us thoroughly with a freezing stare. Mute and attentive” – previous global referee Jonas Eriksson reveals the humiliating procedures officials were once put through by previous European football refereeing head Pierluigi Collina.

Soccer Mailbag

“How important is a name? There’s a poem by Dr Seuss called ‘Too Many Daves’. Have Blackpool suffered from Too Many Steves? Steve Bruce, along with aides Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been dismissed through the exit. So is that the end of the club’s Steve obsession? Not quite! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie remain to take care of the first team. Total Steve progression!” – John Myles

“Since you've opened the budget and distributed some merchandise, I have decided to put finger to keypad and make a pithy comment. Ange Postecoglou claims he started conflicts on the school grounds with children he knew would beat him up. This pain-seeking behavior must justify his choice to sign with Nottingham Forest. Being a longtime Tottenham fan I'll remain thankful for the second-year silverware but the only second-season trophy I can see him winning along the Trent, should he survive that period, is the Championship and that would be some struggle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|