🔗 Share this article

Identity: Conkers.

Age: Brought into the UK 409 years ago.

Look: The outdoor world's Labubu.

That can't be accurate. It is. Check out a TikTok video of someone unboxing a conker, and you’ll probably hear them refer to it as “the earth's Labubu”.

Opening up horse chestnuts? What on Earth are you talking about? Oh wow, you are definitely out of the loop, aren’t you? Gen Zers are taking to TikTok to record videos removing conkers from their prickly shells.

But why? Due to the feeling of amazement! When you open up a conker, you can't predict what you’re going to get. Could it be large? Will it be flat? What will its shine level be? It is like a mystery box every time!

Are Labubus big and flat and shiny? No, they’re somewhat eerie dolls that have become highly sought-after because they also come in mystery boxes.

Would someone inform gen Z that they’re doing conkers wrong? Is that so? How do you do conkers, then?

You put a shoelace through the middle of them, and try to destroy everyone else’s conkers. Is that true? That’s unusual.

Yes. Your odds improve if you soak the conker in vinegar overnight and then heat it in the oven. You're not joking?

Truly. And should you gather an excess, you can hurl them across the playground and all the other kids will fight each other for them. A lovely item from nature like a conker, and you use it as a tool for battle? A weapon that comes with a lengthy list of arcane and bewildering rules?

That's the custom! The King recently awarded the World Conker Championships with a gift of 300 conkers! At least gen Z is only filming them.

How are you unaware of this? At a guess, because certain schools prohibited the game two decades ago, due to concerns over well-being.

The modern world never fails to amaze me. Maybe revealing horse chestnuts just doesn't appeal to you. In which case, perhaps you would be more interested in some other hot new gen Z trends.

Is that so? Like what? Well, there’s this thing called knitting, and something else called clay crafting that I can describe for you.

We’ve had knitting and pottery for centuries! Let me guess, you heat tools in apple drink and then use them to poke each other?

Certainly not! OK, relax. I thought all older generation's pastimes involved some type of aggression, after that conker thing.

This is overwhelming. Take a breath. If you need me, I’ll be unboxing seeds for clicks.

Appropriate comment: “Social media loves showcasing nut discoveries.”

Don’t say: “That's crazy.”